Pensive musings

As I sit, bored more than ever, my mind drifts to the pensive state. Yet again, I catch myself wishing I were a kid all over again. More often than not, this is a mere thought passing me by. This time however, it looks like it is going to stay for a quite a while.( And what better way to get rid of it than write!)


I was watching UP, a children’s film with simple yet strong emotions.  Apparently, that had brought me here to this pensive mood. I wonder how easier life would be, if everyone remained children. As a child, the most you need to have on your mind is a bruise on your knee. But that, sadly, isn’t the way life works; you have to experience every single phase, every single emotion.


A quarter of an hour into the movie, as I watched old Mr.Fredricksen’s house rise with the balloons, I could see how elated he was. I then realised the aesthetic truth that every man is indeed still a child at heart. The old man really did touch a few strings deep down my heart!


We tend to make too much of our life; not that it is bad, but it invariably gets unhealthy after a while. And before we even realise it, we are already in the midst of a rat-race. And, then on, as they say, you can ill-afford to stop lest you get trampled by the rest. True- the end of the race does give you the satisfaction of achievement, but unsurprisingly, there is no end to it. Once you’re done with one, you already are in another, because it is only human to crave for more! There shouldn’t come a day in your life, when you turn back and you see that all you’ve been doing  was running races, without taking the time to bask in your feat, and feel the sheer happiness.


As unrealistic as it may be for a bunch of balloons to carry a house halfway round the world, it is a children’s film; and I must say – it has done a great job teaching me something really valuable. To work hard is a must, but not towards an unrealistic goal. Whatever you do with your life, take it as a child would- with the sense of longing (not greed) before, and pure joy (not pride!) after. There is nothing more soothing than the feeling of warm satisfaction engulfing your gut. You then realise how happier life could become. Whatever happens- it does for a reason, and the sole difference lies in how you see it!

That one moment..

That one moment. That one moment, a few of us were unlucky enough, or lucky enough to endure. Endure, yes, you read that right. One cannot simply glide through that moment, one endures it, for such is the gravity of it weighing down upon you. That one moment which changes every single thing in your world, or so it seems, on afterthought. 
It turns your world upside down, everything around you slowly tilting topsy-turvy. The moment when you realise, for want of a better way of putting it, that everything you believed in deeply, was a lie. When something that meant the world to you was a plain farce. 
Silence resounds in your ears. You become oblivious to the world, shutting it out. You can't see anything, you can't hear anything, you just feel the truth hitting you, hard at that. Seconds seem like hours. Everything you had built up inside you just crumbles into dust. The only thing you seem to perceive is the knot in your heart being pulled tighter and tighter. Your heart beats faster and faster keeping up with the adrenaline. Your nose tingles with the bitter-sweet softness of a tear springing out from your eye, now warm and moist. You contort your eyes, trying to hold them back, your jaw begins to tremble. A chill runs through your self, when suddenly warmth is flooding though you. A sigh is spent, the knot loosens and goosebumps rise. 
All at once, in that one moment..

Musings in melancholia

The human heart is an interesting little thing. I would say it is a feather- free, beautiful and easily carried away. Seemed an apt comparison. It strikes my eye as a beautiful melancholy. It hovers around in our chest, 'bossed' around by a labyrinth of emotions and feelings, the metaphorical thin, unbreakable chords which hold it in its place. 
When we are happy, it is almost as if the happiness is a wind which sweeps it off the ground. It is a free soul, losing itself in the soothing gusts engulfing it. Sadness and depression are deadweights trying to crush the delicate, little feather. Once we enter the blue funk, it is weighed down. We feel the labyrinthine chords of our emotions pulled by the weighed down feather. It hurts within our chest. Strangely enough, as much as we are supposed to get hurt, the feather enjoys the fall into the dark recesses of oblivion. The chords still stretching are manifested as lonely tears from the eyes. You wish they broke, yet they hold on. they know you are better than that. Murky darkness deluges the soul. The feather, ruffled and crushed, is yet pure and beautiful and heartwarming, ironically. The ever-stretching chords choke the lungs beside, gasping for breath

. 
You close your eyes, hold your breath, feel the feather falling deep into the hollow cauldrons of nothingness, you try to keep your tears in with a knot in your throat. Yet a moment comes, when you give up for a moment, your breath in sad gulps and sighs groans, tears roll down and it takes a while to regain control.
Ever so slowly, the weights do lift, blossoming a new dawn. The feather, rekindling after an arduous ordeal, misses the subtle pangs of pain, the melancholy,  for once real pain is endured, the feather falls in love with it. The melancholic strains of nature appeal to it in an unearthly way, which we do not understand ourselves. All we know is that we seem to love it when the feather sheds a tear. We know it doesn't sound right. We keep quiet about it.
But, do touch your heart and tell me- Haven't you ever loved that feeling of darkness, loneliness, helplessness, frustration engulfing you, all at once? Not once in your whole life? You are not alone, mate. there's you, there's me and millions more out there, The league of melancholics! Amen.


During another frustrated night,
yours truly..

Down memory lane...

One year already! A wonderful year in all its scintillating freshness! I'm finding it hard to believe it actually is a whole 12 months past the last I saw of school! 


It was the summer of '10 when we bade farewell to our home for 14 years, a warm place called Chinmaya Vidyalaya! Our school! I remember when I first stepped onto its threshold. The first thing to catch my eye- the magnificent idol of Lord Krishna, soothing my sense of frightened awe at the new place. The next thing I knew- I was making friends, lots of them. All my fear evaporated, an unknown enthusiasm kicking in.... And it has been an epic journey ever since. The days of innocent joy were many, but as the time passed, we slowly grew into the mould created for us! Everything about that place makes me pride myself to have come out of there! But, those sprightly days weren't to last forever, like it had seemed... we hit the dawn of '10! With it, came our board exams, various entrance exams, and inevitable responsibilities. The carefree days had finally come to an end. We had turned adults!


Over the years, we had carved a niche for ourselves, created our identity as individuals... We were entering the world of the higher order! College is a nice place to be in. We make a lot of friends in here, but none as close to our heart as the ones we make back in school! One has all the fun and frolic, unheard of in school, but with a healthy dose of professionalism, expected in a course like engineering( I can speak about engg. alone, because that is my course). No more is there a one-on-one relationship between a teacher(prof. in this case! ) and a student. No more is the teacher's word an assuring sound, it rather is a cacophony or a lullaby! Here I quote Anglo-American poet Wystan Hugh Auden:
                    "A Professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep!"


This transition from school to college is by far one of the heaviest on one's heart! The school days leave but just memories, forever etched upon the heart! Oh, what would I not give to fly myself back to the time I was just an innocent kid, walking down the school lane....


We do not remember days; we remember moments..
~Cesare Pavese




Yours truly...
Praneeth 'bunny' Madhira

HERE I AM ...

So, here i am, as the title goes. I am a guy called Praneeth by some and 'Bunny' by others. I am just another normal guy in this huge world. I am a soccer freak. I play soccer, I breathe soccer, I live soccer! I am an avid gamer as well! I love to read novels and poems; I love to write too. Writing is what gives me some unknown, immense pleasure. A warm, satisfying feeling in the gut, if I must exaggerate!


So I'm new to the blogosphere, as some call it. And not before a lot of hesitation which went into it. To tell you the truth, I first wanted to start my own blog when I saw my close friend, Lalith , start his blog, or rather, when I first started reading his blog! This guy is amazing, a hardcore blogger, yeah - literally! Am I right, buddy? Are you reading this? That was about 6-7 months ago! And to think that it has taken me this long to actually sit down and start typing out the words, whoa- I'm flabbergasted! That's the funny thing about me (or should I say humans? )- 15 letters- PROCRASTINATION! We may want to do something we really love; we may love what we are doing, and yet we put things away for that tomorrow, which comes God knows when! But me telling you this isn't going to change anything! So , back to where I was sometime ago, every time I think of starting this long-overdue blog, I remember this all so important something which I have to attend to, each and every time! 


So, now that I've got five days of holidays, because of the elections, I am bored out of my wits, which sadly, and hypocritically, is the reason for me starting this blog of mine. All that apart, I have finally done this! Kudos to me! Ummm... I guess I'm going to sign off now, for the loss of things to tell you right now! 


Here's a funny bit about PROCRASTINATION!

"Procrastination isn't the problem. It's the solution. It's the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. "
- Ellen DeGeneres


Signing off...
yours truly,
Praneeth 'bunny' madhira!